I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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