So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
