she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
