Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
