found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
