I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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