My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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