Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
