she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
