I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
