at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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