what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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