so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
