where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
