i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
