I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
