I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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