I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
