Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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