I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
