he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
