I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize