I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
