She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
