She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
