he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
