I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
farters have to be the big spoon...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
