the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.