what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
