he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
