____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
