That's when you crack a 10am beer
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
