it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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