You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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