i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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