does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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