My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
