why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
