Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
