This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My balls are so social today.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
