Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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