It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
