I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
