My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
