Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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