I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
