I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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