My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
