I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
