More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Found your dick twin last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
