My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
