I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
