you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
