Do you still have your period?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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