My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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