I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
