Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize