Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
