wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
