I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
