So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
