Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have aggressive nipples.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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