she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
