nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
