Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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