How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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