If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
