I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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