Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
