six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
