Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
