I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
